Ah, Father Ted. A hilarious show with Irish accents and poking fun at religion.
Pat Mustard: Ah, w-... you certainly wouldn't be advising the use of artificial contraception now, Father, would you?
Father Ted: Yes, I... well... if you're going to be... of course you will... JUST FECK OFF!
Father Ted: Come on, Dougal, switch the television off. Chewing gum for the eyes!
Father Dougal: No thanks, Ted!
Father Ted: Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests... more drink!
Father Dougal: I don't believe in organized religion.
Bishop Brennan: What would the following words suggest to you: "Jack", "sleepwalking" and "bollock naked"?
Father Dougal: It's like a big tide of jam coming toward us, but jam made out of old women.
Father Ted: There he is so. Risen from the dead. Like that fella... ET.
Mrs Doyle: Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!
Father Ted: WHAT?
Mrs Doyle: Oh, no, not cocaine. God, what am I on about. No, what d'you call them. Raisins.
Father Ted: That's the great thing about Catholicism - it's very vague and no-one knows what it's really all about.
Father Dougal: Next you’re going to tell us you’re Santa.
Father Ted: No Dougal. I'm the opposite of Santa.
Father Dougal: The anti-Santa?
Father Ted: It's not as if everyone's going to go off and join some mad religious cult just because we go off for a picnic for a couple of hours.
Father Dougal: God, Ted, I heard about those cults. Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord's gonna come back and judge us all!
Father Ted: No... No, Dougal, that's us. That's Catholicism.
Mr. Fox: We could certainly trust you, father. You are, after all, a man of God.
Father Dougal: A what?
Dougal: And instead of a mouth, it has four arses!
Father Jack: Feck off, cup!
Once again, more to come... eventually.
Last edited on September 15, 2009 at 5:58 am.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Chowder;
One of the most adorable cartoons you will ever see.
Chowder: I'm not your boyfriend!
[Repeated line. To Panini]
Mung Daal: We gota get rid of this gum before Truffles sees it.
Schnitzel: Radda radda radda radda?
Mung Daal: No, we can't chuck him in the furnace.
Bank Lady: Welcome! Would you care for a free lollipop?
Chowder: Would I?
Bank Lady: Would you?
Chowder: Would I?
Bank Lady: Would you?
Chowder: Would I?
Bank Lady: Would you?
Chowder: Would I what?
Bank Lady: Care for a free lollipop?
Chowder: Would I?
Bank Lady: Would you?
Chowder: Would I?
Schnitzel: Rada rada!
Chowder: Yes, I would. Thank you.
Sadly, this is all I have at the moment, but I SHALL have more.... eventually.
Last edited on Sept. 27, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Chowder: I'm not your boyfriend!
[Repeated line. To Panini]
Mung Daal: We gota get rid of this gum before Truffles sees it.
Schnitzel: Radda radda radda radda?
Mung Daal: No, we can't chuck him in the furnace.
Bank Lady: Welcome! Would you care for a free lollipop?
Chowder: Would I?
Bank Lady: Would you?
Chowder: Would I?
Bank Lady: Would you?
Chowder: Would I?
Bank Lady: Would you?
Chowder: Would I what?
Bank Lady: Care for a free lollipop?
Chowder: Would I?
Bank Lady: Would you?
Chowder: Would I?
Schnitzel: Rada rada!
Chowder: Yes, I would. Thank you.
Sadly, this is all I have at the moment, but I SHALL have more.... eventually.
Last edited on Sept. 27, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie;
How can you not love MST3000? I mean REALLY?!
So these 2 robots and a human make fun of a movie while it's playing.
The movie they hilarify (totally my word) is called This Island Earth.
(Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot, Mike, Dr. Forrester are MST characters. Everyone else is from This Island Earth. To help, I shall bold MST names.)
These quotes are a ton funnier if you've already seen the movie or while you're actually watching the movie.
Crow T. Robot: Into the weenie mobile, weenie man away!
Mike: Joe, I'm in one of these boxes, find me!
Crow: Hey! Who sneezed on the credits?
[The credits had an outer space background]
Tom Servo: Okay, let's see here... Shatner, Shatner... no, doesn't look like he's in this one; we're safe.
[He was looking at the opening credits]
Crow: Man, the universe is really cruisin'.
Tom Servo: Hey, look, there's Taurus the bull.
Mike: And right underneath him the constellation feces.
Crow: Hey, look, Orion's broke.
Crow: Hey, Mike, you think you can toss me my calculations? Thanks! Ah, here it is. "Breach Hull - All Die." Even had it underlined.
Joe: You know what my kids would say?
Crow: YOU'RE NOT MY REAL FATHER?
Crow: Wow this must be what its like inside a bong! Whehue!
[The characters had to go into this converter tube that filled up with smoke on the spaceship to make their bodies adjust to the next planet's gravity... or something]
Tom Servo: It's the amazing technicolor cheese wedge!
Tom Servo: Ah, they're going 65, so they'll be there in 3 BILLION years...
Exeter: Now place your hands above the rail [hands suddenly attach to the rail] ...they're magnetized.
Crow: And if your hands were metal, that would mean something.
[One of my favs]
Crow: Looks like Dr. Seuss designed their planet!
Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.
Crow: They're very into "Yes" on this planet.
Cal Meecham: Relocation? To where?
The Monitor: To your Earth.
Exeter: A PEACEFUL relocation...
Crow: After the genocide, of course.
Crow: Oh, my god! My waffle! Oh the humanity!
Crow: You killed the Hubble!
Mike: Doesn't the fact that it's universal make it international?
Plane Voice: Good morning, Dr. Meecham.
Tom Servo: Good morning, Voice.
Plane Voice: Hope you slept well.
Mike: 'Cause it's time to die.
Crow: Nuts! It's Ted Kennedy in a Barney suit!
Exeter: I won't ask you to condone what we've done...
All: We condone it.
All: Normal view. Normal view! NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIIEEEEW!
[This really only makes sense if you've seen it...]
Exeter: Into the converter tubes. Ruth, you take the first tube. Cal, you take the second.
Cal Meecham: What about you?
Exeter: I'll take the third tube.
Tom: Oh, right. Stupid question.
Cal Meecham: I may just be the dumbest man who ever lived.
Mike: No argument here.
Once again, actually WATCH the movie to fully enjoy these quotes.
Last edited on Nov. 30, 2008 at 7:05 pm.
So these 2 robots and a human make fun of a movie while it's playing.
The movie they hilarify (totally my word) is called This Island Earth.
(Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot, Mike, Dr. Forrester are MST characters. Everyone else is from This Island Earth. To help, I shall bold MST names.)
These quotes are a ton funnier if you've already seen the movie or while you're actually watching the movie.
Crow T. Robot: Into the weenie mobile, weenie man away!
Mike: Joe, I'm in one of these boxes, find me!
Crow: Hey! Who sneezed on the credits?
[The credits had an outer space background]
Tom Servo: Okay, let's see here... Shatner, Shatner... no, doesn't look like he's in this one; we're safe.
[He was looking at the opening credits]
Crow: Man, the universe is really cruisin'.
Tom Servo: Hey, look, there's Taurus the bull.
Mike: And right underneath him the constellation feces.
Crow: Hey, look, Orion's broke.
Crow: Hey, Mike, you think you can toss me my calculations? Thanks! Ah, here it is. "Breach Hull - All Die." Even had it underlined.
Joe: You know what my kids would say?
Crow: YOU'RE NOT MY REAL FATHER?
Crow: Wow this must be what its like inside a bong! Whehue!
[The characters had to go into this converter tube that filled up with smoke on the spaceship to make their bodies adjust to the next planet's gravity... or something]
Tom Servo: It's the amazing technicolor cheese wedge!
Tom Servo: Ah, they're going 65, so they'll be there in 3 BILLION years...
Exeter: Now place your hands above the rail [hands suddenly attach to the rail] ...they're magnetized.
Crow: And if your hands were metal, that would mean something.
[One of my favs]
Crow: Looks like Dr. Seuss designed their planet!
Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.
Crow: They're very into "Yes" on this planet.
Cal Meecham: Relocation? To where?
The Monitor: To your Earth.
Exeter: A PEACEFUL relocation...
Crow: After the genocide, of course.
Crow: Oh, my god! My waffle! Oh the humanity!
Crow: You killed the Hubble!
Mike: Doesn't the fact that it's universal make it international?
Plane Voice: Good morning, Dr. Meecham.
Tom Servo: Good morning, Voice.
Plane Voice: Hope you slept well.
Mike: 'Cause it's time to die.
Crow: Nuts! It's Ted Kennedy in a Barney suit!
Exeter: I won't ask you to condone what we've done...
All: We condone it.
All: Normal view. Normal view! NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIIEEEEW!
[This really only makes sense if you've seen it...]
Exeter: Into the converter tubes. Ruth, you take the first tube. Cal, you take the second.
Cal Meecham: What about you?
Exeter: I'll take the third tube.
Tom: Oh, right. Stupid question.
Cal Meecham: I may just be the dumbest man who ever lived.
Mike: No argument here.
Once again, actually WATCH the movie to fully enjoy these quotes.
Last edited on Nov. 30, 2008 at 7:05 pm.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind;
My absolute favorite movie of all time. And proof that not all quotes on this blog are funny and whatnot.
Joel: If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know.
Joel: Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?
Mary: Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias.
Joel: My God, there's people coming out of your butt.
Clementine: Am I ugly? When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.
Joel: Please let me keep this memory, just this one.
Joel: Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.
Joel: Sand is overrated. It's just tiny, little rocks.
Joel: Are we like couples you see in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?
Clementine: I apply my personality in a paste.
There's a ton more quotes I want to put on this, but I'll do it later... And I can't find one of my favs on IMDb, and we (sadly) don't own the movie....
Last edited on Sept. 27, 2008 at 10:12 pm.
Joel: If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know.
Joel: Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?
Mary: Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias.
Joel: My God, there's people coming out of your butt.
Clementine: Am I ugly? When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.
Joel: Please let me keep this memory, just this one.
Joel: Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.
Joel: Sand is overrated. It's just tiny, little rocks.
Joel: Are we like couples you see in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?
Clementine: I apply my personality in a paste.
There's a ton more quotes I want to put on this, but I'll do it later... And I can't find one of my favs on IMDb, and we (sadly) don't own the movie....
Last edited on Sept. 27, 2008 at 10:12 pm.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Duets;
Things said by multiple people... not anonymous.
"Kevin, can your ego even fit in this room?" "That's why the door has to be open."
~Tayla & Me
"Good morning. Good afternoon." "Merry Christmas!"
~Mr. Gregerson & Alex
"I see London, I see France, I see Elf Kid--" "In his underpants."
~Michelle & Me
"You're loud." "Your face is loud!"
~Randy & Caitlin
"Did Kevin just say something dirty?" "And ran into a desk at the same time." "He can multitask."
~Nicole, Cara, & Jacob
"I didn't even see you coming!" "That's what she said."
~Steph & Caitlin
"Shane is a myth." "You're a myth!" "I... am legend."
~Bryan & Caylem (aka Woody)
"Your head is too big." "That's what she said!"
~Tiff & Michelle (I think...)
"Your head IS big." "That what she said."
~Me & Michelle
"My hair's over it." "That's what she said."
~Caitlin & Michelle
"We keep losing our hoes." "Just follow the screams..."
~Caitlin & Me (I think...)
"Don't touch it!" "I'll touch it all I want!"
~(I dunno) & Michelle
Last edited on October 24, 2009 at 6:49 am.
"Kevin, can your ego even fit in this room?" "That's why the door has to be open."
~Tayla & Me
"Good morning. Good afternoon." "Merry Christmas!"
~Mr. Gregerson & Alex
"I see London, I see France, I see Elf Kid--" "In his underpants."
~Michelle & Me
"You're loud." "Your face is loud!"
~Randy & Caitlin
"Did Kevin just say something dirty?" "And ran into a desk at the same time." "He can multitask."
~Nicole, Cara, & Jacob
"I didn't even see you coming!" "That's what she said."
~Steph & Caitlin
"Shane is a myth." "You're a myth!" "I... am legend."
~Bryan & Caylem (aka Woody)
"Your head is too big." "That's what she said!"
~Tiff & Michelle (I think...)
"Your head IS big." "That what she said."
~Me & Michelle
"My hair's over it." "That's what she said."
~Caitlin & Michelle
"We keep losing our hoes." "Just follow the screams..."
~Caitlin & Me (I think...)
"Don't touch it!" "I'll touch it all I want!"
~(I dunno) & Michelle
Last edited on October 24, 2009 at 6:49 am.
Teachers;
Said by my teachers... on a couple occasions, it's something someone told me a teacher said...
"Don't say fuck."
"Let's take a look at the pleasure wheel. They don't call it that anymore... Let's get back to the pleasure wheel."
"I'm not staring at that thing, I might get cancer."
"Good luck in court."
"Oh wow, you're rich. Or you used to be, now you're not."
"Go there and say 'New-found-land' and see what looks you get. 'I just found out this place was here'."
"Line up alphabetically by height."
"I hope you're texting under that desk and not just staring at your crotch."
"No fucking in class."
Last edited on May 9, 2009 at 5:45 pm.
"Don't say fuck."
"Let's take a look at the pleasure wheel. They don't call it that anymore... Let's get back to the pleasure wheel."
"I'm not staring at that thing, I might get cancer."
"Good luck in court."
"Oh wow, you're rich. Or you used to be, now you're not."
"Go there and say 'New-found-land' and see what looks you get. 'I just found out this place was here'."
"Line up alphabetically by height."
"I hope you're texting under that desk and not just staring at your crotch."
"No fucking in class."
Last edited on May 9, 2009 at 5:45 pm.
Colleagues;
Other people I know, but don't really consider a close friend...
"There's an error in my syntax."
"It's a birthmark."
"What's the name of our universe?"
"Normandy's in Norway."
"Tonight is a night for men!"
"Fear is not a factor for me!"
"I wrote: 'Bruce Springsteen is lame.'"
"'You look exactly like your father when we started dating.... That brings back memories,' Eeeww, that's sick. They really need psychotherapy."
"That was when I took her boobies."
"I like it when they're wet."
"No, wait. It was your mom."
Last edited on September 15, 2008 at 6:21 pm.
"There's an error in my syntax."
"It's a birthmark."
"What's the name of our universe?"
"Normandy's in Norway."
"Tonight is a night for men!"
"Fear is not a factor for me!"
"I wrote: 'Bruce Springsteen is lame.'"
"'You look exactly like your father when we started dating.... That brings back memories,' Eeeww, that's sick. They really need psychotherapy."
"That was when I took her boobies."
"I like it when they're wet."
"No, wait. It was your mom."
Last edited on September 15, 2008 at 6:21 pm.
Friends;
Quotes made by friends. They'll be kept anonymous. Partially because they've been repeated by other friends over time...
Keep in mind some of these are inside jokes.
Keep in mind some of these are inside jokes.
Pretty sure all the penis related stuff is about a friend's penis-shaped cake pan or the actual finished cake.
"I shaved my wristband yesterday."
"Elf Kid has yellow balls!"
"Anata no kao (Your face)"
"Touch her like you've never... touched..."
"I think I sprained my toe."
"Your face is loud!"
"I hate all bands except the ones I hate; I love them."
"It was that thing shamming slut."
"Hurry. Eat it. Die."
"Love at first high-five."
"Obsession, thy name is Tiffany!"
"I watch my eyelids a lot."
"You're so funny!"
"I broke a nail! Oh my God..."
"Did you just say 'franken-sex'?"
"You look like a hoe!"
"My hand got fucked good and plenty."
"Get your fuck away from me."
"Radda your grandmother."
"Let me smell you."
"I notice the asses."
"Surprise! And then you put stuff in the hole."
"Don't call me when I'm on the telephone. Wait..."
"I like pickles. Do you like pickles?"
"Sell yourself!"
"Boobies are detachable?"
"Your boobies are wearing off."
"She already started out her foot on the wrong day!"
"You got kaka in your weewee."
"My heart is waving!"
"I almost sat on my penis!"
"Every time I saw him, he was shaved."
"The seat was eating my thing."
"I should've gotten her Jesus."
"I was fucking outside! Well, not fucking..."
"Shove that bitch in."
"I like corn. It's yellow and fruity."
"I put my hole over Megan's head. Haha, that's what she said."
"This conversation is so getting saved."
"No, wait.... It was your mom."
"I'm gonna make milk."
"I saw you coming and I had to touch myself."
"Why were you watching?"
"It spreads cooties like butter."
"Her brother broke her penis."
"So that's what they're calling it these days."
"Do you need help up? Sorry, my doctor advised against heavy lifting."
"The Ging and a Mexican. Sounds like a romance."
"I'm good in both places."
"It just shattered inside me."
"Whoa. I think my penis just farted."
"I shaved my wristband yesterday."
"Elf Kid has yellow balls!"
"Anata no kao (Your face)"
"Touch her like you've never... touched..."
"I think I sprained my toe."
"Your face is loud!"
"I hate all bands except the ones I hate; I love them."
"It was that thing shamming slut."
"Hurry. Eat it. Die."
"Love at first high-five."
"Obsession, thy name is Tiffany!"
"I watch my eyelids a lot."
"You're so funny!"
"I broke a nail! Oh my God..."
"Did you just say 'franken-sex'?"
"You look like a hoe!"
"My hand got fucked good and plenty."
"Get your fuck away from me."
"Radda your grandmother."
"Let me smell you."
"I notice the asses."
"Surprise! And then you put stuff in the hole."
"Don't call me when I'm on the telephone. Wait..."
"I like pickles. Do you like pickles?"
"Sell yourself!"
"Boobies are detachable?"
"Your boobies are wearing off."
"She already started out her foot on the wrong day!"
"You got kaka in your weewee."
"My heart is waving!"
"I almost sat on my penis!"
"Every time I saw him, he was shaved."
"The seat was eating my thing."
"I should've gotten her Jesus."
"I was fucking outside! Well, not fucking..."
"Shove that bitch in."
"I like corn. It's yellow and fruity."
"I put my hole over Megan's head. Haha, that's what she said."
"This conversation is so getting saved."
"No, wait.... It was your mom."
"I'm gonna make milk."
"I saw you coming and I had to touch myself."
"Why were you watching?"
"It spreads cooties like butter."
"Her brother broke her penis."
"So that's what they're calling it these days."
"Do you need help up? Sorry, my doctor advised against heavy lifting."
"The Ging and a Mexican. Sounds like a romance."
"I'm good in both places."
"It just shattered inside me."
"Whoa. I think my penis just farted."
"Schtuuufffff"
[imitating Lumpy Space Princess] "Oh my god, I'm having a fun time"
[imitating dehydrated Spongebob] "I don't need it"
Last edited March 9, 2011 at 4:49 am.
Last edited March 9, 2011 at 4:49 am.
My Quotes;
Things I've said...
"Your face didn't come out right!"
"I do that a lot sometimes"
"I was just writing you draw"
"He looks like a girl except for his chaw and jin."
"Your face looks like an amphibian."
"I thought you said you were putting butt on a bagel."
"Fly, leaf!"
"It's a hero about shows..."
"That really socks." (in response to my friend telling me her dog ate her socks)
"kokoro wo agemasu. (I give my heart to you... basically)"
"You mean a you (pronounce yo-ooo...) sunwich?" (instead of sandwich... okay, you kinda had to be there for this)
"I'll be looking for a fork shaped spoon..."
"Fuck it in a bucket."
"It hurts when I bend over..."
Last edited on October 24, 2009 at 6:39 am.
"Your face didn't come out right!"
"I do that a lot sometimes"
"I was just writing you draw"
"He looks like a girl except for his chaw and jin."
"Your face looks like an amphibian."
"I thought you said you were putting butt on a bagel."
"Fly, leaf!"
"It's a hero about shows..."
"That really socks." (in response to my friend telling me her dog ate her socks)
"kokoro wo agemasu. (I give my heart to you... basically)"
"You mean a you (pronounce yo-ooo...) sunwich?" (instead of sandwich... okay, you kinda had to be there for this)
"I'll be looking for a fork shaped spoon..."
"Fuck it in a bucket."
"It hurts when I bend over..."
Last edited on October 24, 2009 at 6:39 am.
Prelude;
A blog that filters out the good quotes from the millions around the world.
From movies, shows, people, maybe even books and songs.
And something other blogs like this do not have: quotes from friends and people I have to live with.
Just to put this out there, I will/have gathered many of the movies and TV show quotes from IMDB, if it's not from what I heard with my own ears and immediately written down.
Each "entry" is subject to change over time. In fact I HOPE it does change.
Feel free to give feedback on entries... well, constructive criticism is most preferable. If I missed one that you feel should be showcased, go ahead and tell me about it.
Currently, the blog title and address is temporary... until I find something that just reeks in awesomeness.
From movies, shows, people, maybe even books and songs.
And something other blogs like this do not have: quotes from friends and people I have to live with.
Just to put this out there, I will/have gathered many of the movies and TV show quotes from IMDB, if it's not from what I heard with my own ears and immediately written down.
Each "entry" is subject to change over time. In fact I HOPE it does change.
Feel free to give feedback on entries... well, constructive criticism is most preferable. If I missed one that you feel should be showcased, go ahead and tell me about it.
Currently, the blog title and address is temporary... until I find something that just reeks in awesomeness.
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