Chuck Norris Jokes

For the record I LOVE Chuck Norris jokes. Not because I worship him, but because I wonder how people even come up with some of them. They're hilarious!
And these are jokes I find all over the place, and I have no idea who came up with them.


Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack cause even his heart isn't dumb enough to attack Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris's dog picks up it's own crap, because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from anybody.

The name Chuck Norris translates to perfection in twenty different languages.

If someone asks Chuck Norris what his favorite song is, he roundhouse kicks them in the face until they beg for mercy. He then tells them that's music to his ears.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris paints his walls by throwing children at them.

Chuck formed the La Brea tar pits after a weekend of bad chili and dark beer.

Contrary to popular belief the continents did not drift apart over millions of years but in a single day when Chuck Norris was walking across Pangaea and mentioned that he wanted to swim, right here, and right now.

Chuck Norris' mom was a virgin when she had him. Apparently, his testosterone levels are so high, he was able to impregnate her before he was even conceived.

When Chuck Norris stubs his toe, the Earth shakes.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Last edited on September 15, 2009 at 5:55 am.